Life @ Chennai

The time right now is about 4 am in the morning, I am in my flat with my 5 other flat mates or roommates who are all asleep and I have a problem. I am confused. I am confused about everything. Is it called a flat because its so small and tiny with no space at all to turn around in??

To those of you who have not yet met with me, I am achu blogging now from Chennai. I am here because i joined up in TCS, that is Tata Consultancy Services, as I had nothing much else to do with my life. I could have tried to move on in Kollam with my own little franchise or company or whatever else but like many other things, my head strongly felt against it whereas the heart was stranded in the middle. There was no money, i was afraid of failure and naturally had an ill feeling about it. So the protagonist was put to sleep inside and I boarded the train.

Now that I am here, the pasture seems to be greener back there man. I mean i am one of the 277 who wound up in TCS-Chennai and already it feels like a decade though in reality it has hardly been 10 days. The shift is from 7 to 2 where they train (or make us learn as they put it) us on sitting in front of a Desktop. The whole of South India is represented in big enough numbers in my batch.

The problem is not chennai, nor TCS nor the flat for that matter. Its the competition everyone including me seems to be participating in and I don't like it a bit. Each of us seems to be competing against each other for that step up in the corporate world ladder. The secrecy in thoughts, the reluctance to trust each other, the enthusiasm to show off the knowledge, everything points in that direction.

I am not saying i am above all such nonsense. It's just that I was not this person in my college and suddenly I seem to be adapting to this environment. I don't want to, i liked the earlier me but the head seems to win again. Be the change or be changed they tell me.

To overcome the loneliness and the confusion of thoughts smoking has come up as an alternative. However in the course of time it just adds to my list of worries. I need it to give me that moment of truth which assures me that I am on the right path, but my body doesnt take well to smoking. I enjoy the lonely excursions on the rooftop with my cigarettes but afterwards its all quilt and forebodings that dominate me.

To think about all that and not be able to speak to anyone is so irritating. The friends over phone didn't work very well. Maybe it is because of the New Me, but my friends all attain a new face in front of me. Even my gmj doesn't seem to be the same anymore. Hence I have turned to my Tom Riddle Diary here and pour out my thoughts in search of an answer. If any wanderer comes up on this let it be known that you are free to idiotize, laugh at, feel pity or do what so ever you would like to do, upon these line of thoughts. At least it will be a break from the careful cocoon everyone seems to have built up for eveyone where criticism is guarded, friendship bounded by cubicles and where the exteriors are just facades to a deeper abyss.

Signing off